by Lisa Cybaniak
You can also listen on…
Accepting death isn’t just about literally accepting the death of someone you love. It’s also about accepting the death of the old you to give way to the evolved version of yourself.
Today we’re talking about accepting death of all kinds, including the people we love, the people we used to be, and the life we used to know, particularly after having children.
Kal Osahan is a coach who helps women develop and hone a business mindset, teaching them how to better prioritise their time and showing them how to be seen as they develop their business.
Meet Kal Osahan
But things were not always bright for Kal. She shares the personal details of her struggle with fertility and post-natal depression, in this podcast episode. This is the acceptance I speak of when I say we’re talking about accepting death in all forms. Kal needed to accept the death of her previous self, pre-motherhood, in order to embrace her new life.
After escaping into a new business start-up, Kal began to gain acceptance for where she now was in life. And then life threw Kal and her husband another struggle – a miscarriage followed by the successful pregnancy of twins, which culminated in the death of one twin shortly after their birth.
Kal has come to learn the beauty in acceptance versus resistance. The lessons she learned in accepting death and the new version of herself that immerged, are tools and skills she still relies on today, and teaches to her clients.
And she’s sharing them with us today. So, let’s dive in!
Accepting Death
Whatever it is you’re going through right now, or have carried with you from the past, Kal’s first tip is to accept it.
When we accept what is happening, we surrender the urge to resist it. That doesn’t mean that if you’re unhappy with something or someone you should give up, conceding to their behaviour or to being unhappy. Rather, you can accept what is, surrendering resistance to it, while you get clear on what you do want, and make a plan to go get it.
That’s really what Kal did to get through her post-natal depression. She got to a place where she accepted her life was different and that she was struggling. In that acceptance, she surrendered her resistance to this while at the same time, started her business venture to change what she was unhappy with in her life.
And Kal used this same strategy when her twins were born prematurely, and she was told one wasn’t going to make it. Quite literally, this time around Kal found herself accepting death. It doesn’t mean it was easy, it just means she chose not to spend her energy on resisting what was happening, instead turning her attention to what she did have control over, herself.
Accepting Death by Sharing Your Story
Whether we’re talking about actual death, or the metaphorical death of who you once were and the life you once had, sharing your story is a powerful way to heal.
Sharing your story doesn’t mean you must share it with the world as Kal and myself have chosen to do. You don’t need to go on a podcast or speak publicly in any way. In fact, you could share your story with your friend or spouse, a therapist, or even a coach, for example.
I know some people who share their story through journaling. So, while they’re really not telling anyone, they still get the benefit of writing it out and expressing themselves. It really is powerful.
No matter how you chose to share your story, expressing yourself often times allows you to get it off your chest and out of your head. It’s similar to making a list of things you need to do so that you can stop worrying that you’re going to forget something. Except this time, you’re able to stop reminding yourself of how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking because of your loss, whatever that loss may be.
Accepting Death through Gratitude
You hear a lot about gratitude, and for good reason. Expressing gratitude for what you have in your life shifts your focus away from what you don’t want. So, rather than constantly thinking about how you wish things were different; that you were your old self again; that they hadn’t died, you begin to notice you’re focused on what you want to create in your life.
To me, the most important “rule” of being grateful is that you honour the thoughts and feelings you have – especially those you are trying to alter. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Even when something doesn’t go according to plan and the outcome is really positive, you still might grieve the loss of what you originally wanted. That’s okay.
And of course if we’re talking about accepting death, in literal terms, it is okay and normal to experience a wide range of emotions. The goal with gratitude isn’t to beat ourselves up for the negative thoughts or feelings, but to become more aware of them and our ability to consciously shift our thoughts and focus.
More from this episode
There is so much more Kal speaks of in this episode, including five more tips for you, and details about her post-natal depression, the death of her son, the birth of her businesses, and how she’s inspired to help others.
Press play on the episode above to get all the details!
Follow Kal Osahan
Find out more about Kal’s wedding stationery business, Quint London. Join her Female Entrepreneur Mentor Facebook Group, and follow her on LinkedIn, Quint London on Instagram, and The Female Entrepreneur Mentor on Instagram.
Want to help this podcast? Follow us, subscribe, and leave a comment on this, or any other episode!
Resources
Register for the Manifest Like a Boss Course!
Download my free Anxiety to Action Cheat Sheet
Take the free 30-Day Emotional Wellbeing Challenge
Voice over credit: Shari Vandermolen. Shari is offering a free download of one of her songs to the fans of the Life Like You Mean It podcast! Just visit www.GiftFromShari.com and tell her where to send it. Shari’s debut album is available for streaming on all the major platforms including Spotify and iTunes.
Top Picks
Freebies for You!
