by Lisa Cybaniak
Anxiety is like a gremlin on our shoulder. I mean, how much time a day do you spend ruminating over the past, or fretting about something coming up in the future? Be honest. Most people find it difficult to let the past go, especially when it didn’t turn out the way we had expected.
And that increases our anxiety about the future – what if we are in a similar situation? Surely, we need to be prepared for that, right? And the more prepared we are the less anxiety we’ll feel, correct?
No! That’s the scare tactics and manipulation of anxiety talking, playing off the fear of your past experiences.
Today we’re talking about the anxiety gremlin, affecting every aspect of your life, and the steps you can take to stop allowing it to define and control you.
Matthew Pappas is a Certified Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner, as well as a Podcast Host and a Survivor Advocate. He specialises in helping clients overcome the debilitating anxiety that holds them back.
Meet Matthew Pappas
As a trauma informed coach and survivor of abuse himself, Matt is keenly aware of the unique struggles that survivors must work through in order to heal.
Matt’s dedication to his work is mesmerising. I’ve been on his Beyond Your Past podcast twice now, which began in 2016 and consistently receives thousands of listens each month and is part of the Mental Health News Radio Network. In fact, his podcast was one of the first to offer me the platform to share my story of abuse recovery – an opportunity that positively altered my life forever.
In addition to his own coaching business, Matt also is the co-host of the Daily Recovery Support Calls on CPTSDfoundation.org, which offers trauma informed support 7 days a week, and he operates TealRibbonCreations.com, a web design and podcasting service for Mental Health Professionals, Advocates and Survivors.
Do you see what I mean by mesmerising?
I’m so proud to call Matt a friend and to have him here with us on the show today. He truly believes that we all have the power inside of us to take our life back from anxiety and overcome what’s been holding us back from being the person we truly want to be.
Are you ready to beat the tricks, lies and tactics of anxiety? Me too!
So, let’s dive right in!
Understand your anxiety
Matt describes anxiety as the left-over fear response of a past situation that gets power from those past experiences. In other words, it plays off fear.
Understanding that those feelings and that mantra you get telling yourself you’re not good enough, you can’t do it, it’s too hard, you always fail… is not the reality. It is simply anxiety talking like a gremlin on your shoulder.
You do not have to be defined by it and it doesn’t have to control you. In fact, you can manage anxiety, control it, and even beat it, but you must want it badly enough.
Matt uses that old expression – you must be sick and tired of being sick and tired. Only then will you decide to see anxiety for what it really is.
Is this anxiety or reality?
Matt suggests you ask yourself that question every time you’re in a stressful situation threatening to bring on your anxiety gremlin. Of course, you can also ask this when the gremlin is shouting in your ear.
There is a difference between genuinely not being safe and having anxious feelings because of a past situation that is being recalled to the forefront of your mind.
Matt’s big tip here is to think it through and use logic because anxiety thrives on emotion.
Be present
Time-travelling in your mind to ruminate over the past or planning for the future is what we do to convince ourselves we are prepared for anything. However, this is a false sense of control over something that you can’t possibly control.
No amount of stressing over the past is going to change it. What’s done is done. By focusing all your energy on what you wished you would have said or done, you give your power to anxiety.
Take your power back by staying in the present. In this moment, you don’t have a problem. That problem you’re thinking of was a past problem, or perhaps may be a future problem. In this moment, those problems don’t exist.
Prepare to do your best, then let it go
Matt has a great expression for this: If you try to prepare for the worst-case scenario then you’ll never be prepared for the worst-case scenario!
What he means is multi-fold. If you think of every possible thing that could happen when you speak to your boss, for example, in an effort to feel prepared, then if your boss reacts or says something that you didn’t think of, that then becomes your worst-case scenario because you’ll feel unprepared.
Moreover, over-preparation means you’re mentally exhausted and can’t enjoy it when things go well. Surely, mental exhaustion increases your anxiety, right? And we all know that anxiety makes you forget what you know, which means you’re less capable of dealing with things on the fly, thereby increasing your anxiety again!
Remember your success rate
This is one of my favourites. Matt reminds us that we’ve all had a 100% success rate of getting through everything and anything. That means you’ll be able to handle this too.
The power of distraction in coping with anxiety
Lastly, distraction is vital, but there is a difference between distraction and ignoring your anxiety. Ignoring anxiety just leads to a build-up which will make your anxiety heightened.
Once you understand where your anxiety is coming from, that it’s not reality, that you’ve had 100% success in getting through situations before and you will do the same now, you can now distract yourself by filling your time with things you enjoy.
That may be spending time with friends, going for a long walk in nature, reading books, or any other number of things that can bring you joy.
Basically, to break anxiety’s tricks, lies and tactics, you need to break the cycle by forming new habits in the form of healthy coping skills and self-care that works for you.
More from this episode
Matt talks about so much more in this episode, including what anxiety is NOT, how anxiety affected his life as a teenager and young adult and how to let go of past experiences through radical acceptance.
With anxiety being such a prevalent mental health challenge in today’s world, we need more conversations like this.
I’ll leave you with this thought: The next time you’re feeling anxiety, tell yourself, “I’m feeling this way, but I don’t have to – it’s the anxiety talking!”
Press play on the episode above – you don’t want to miss this!
Check out Matthew Pappas’s website and podcast, and follow him on Twitter and Facebook.
Update: I’ve recently learned of the health benefits of turmeric, including the effect it can have on anxiety and depression. Read this article for more information.
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Voice over credit: Shari Vandermolen. Shari is offering a free download of one of her songs to the fans of the Life Like You Mean It podcast! Just visit www.GiftFromShari.com and tell her where to send it. Shari’s debut album is available for streaming on all the major platforms including Spotify and iTunes.
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