Yoga is an amazing therapy. It is not just a form of exercise, but a rite of passage. It can be calming and soothing, while being incredibly challenging. More importantly, it retrains your focus back onto yourself, grounding and uplifting you. This is so important for most of us, but even more so for survivors of abuse.
Detaching from abuse
When I was physically and sexually abused for many years as a child, I detached myself from my body. My body went through the experience while my mind tried not to. My body was just a thing, but my mind, that was precious. I became numb, out of choice. It was far easier that way. I felt the pain of being hit, or thrown down the stairs, or held under hot water, but I was detached from it. It is difficult to explain to others, because you are still there in the moment, yet you do not allow your mind to communicate with your body.
Surviving something so traumatic, especially in childhood at a time when you are learning about your body, causes a great deal of damage. More than the obvious. Becoming a teenage girl with a developed body that boys wanted to touch, well that just added to the detachment. The boys were not interested in me, they were interested in my body. That was somehow different. We are two different entities.
I had been a dancer growing up, so I naively thought I was in tune with myself, at least when I danced. Somehow, I couldn’t explain all my injuries, accept for the fact that I was a dancer. But if I was so in tune with myself, why didn’t I know my limits? This was my first clue that I was lying to myself.
Reconnecting after abuse
On my path to recovery, I clearly needed to reattach myself, to become whole again. I read a lot of self-help books and focused considerably on the mental and psychological needs I had. This was so essential to my well-being, but for me to become the strong woman I am today, I needed the re-connection with my body. I needed to operate as one being.
Eventually I found my way to a yoga class. That is where so much of the magic happened and my physical-mental connection began to heal and reform. It allowed me to gain clarity, become calm, feel my strength and my limitations, and accept each.
Like many people, my yoga practice sometimes takes a back seat while I focus on other things. However, no matter how far I am from a yoga mat, my mind-body connection remains strong. More importantly, when I’ve been away from the mat for too long, the Universe opens a door and pushes me through it!
Yoga Quota
Recently I was introduced to the Yoga Quota, a charitable yoga studio in Oxford, United Kingdom. They are a charitable organisation because they offer free yoga classes to various groups of people who otherwise could not afford classes, based on the number of paying people they have taught. It was suggested I go to a women’s only class where many survivors of assault and abuse work on their recovery through yoga.
When I walked into the building that houses the Yoga Quota, I was curious. There was a restaurant on the main floor, and very little signage for the yoga studio. I questioned whether I was in the right place. I quietly tip toed up the stairs, not sure of what I would find there, not wanting to disturb a class. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, I was greeted by what looked like a study. It was a wonderful sitting room with lots of comfortable places to sit and contemplate life, or work on your next masterpiece.
The next door down was the Yoga Quota. Breath-taking. It was a tiny room with a fireplace, and only enough room for 10 yoga mats plus the teacher. Ten students, that is it. The feeling of calm was overwhelming. This wasn’t a place trying to cram as many people in as possible to make a buck. This was genuine. It was safe. It was calm. It was beautiful.
To touch, or not to touch?
As we went through our practice together, you could feel the stress and tension lift from our souls. Like many of the classes I’ve attended at many yoga studios around the world, the instructor offered strength, support, and knowledge. She made me feel supported as I needed to take a break. She offered many options for depth of practice, depending on each of our needs. What she did not do was touch us. She did not come and re-position us or help ease us into a greater pose.
For me, I am comfortable now with people touching me, but many survivors are not, even when it is a woman. Instead, this instructor used her words, keeping to the safety of her mat. It gave the room a sense of understanding. We understood her words, and we understood our bodies. We could trust ourselves to move into these positions, and re-position ourselves to gain the most out of our practice.
Regaining trust in myself
This class then gave me more than my re-connection of mind and body. It gave me a trust in myself to move into and correct my own postures. To allow myself to really feel each part of my body and relax into the knowledge that I know my limitations. It freed me. It reaffirmed the connection I have with myself, and deepened my confidence in myself. My soul is better for finding the Yoga Quota and attending this peaceful, calming, and very challenging class.
Lisa Cybaniak is a survivor of 10 years of physical, psychological and sexual child abuse. She is a motivational speaker and blogger, helping shed the stigma of being abused. She is the founder of Life, like you mean it!, dedicated to helping survivors of abuse survive well, having the life they deserve.
Book a complimentary call with Lisa to see how she can help you process your unique journey, and transform your life to one of meaning, love and ultimate happiness. You deserve it.
Lisa, this is a very well written blog on how yoga helps one to release from all the abuse. Indeed yoga is more powerful than what we think it to be:)
Thank you Natasha! So glad you enjoyed it!