My whole working life has been spent helping others, and I LOVE it! (Obviously, duh!) But I must admit, helping others has helped me in so many different ways, that I can hardly say I am selfless in the help I offer. I am down right selfish! At least my selfish acts contribute positively to my community – I mean, I could have waaaaay worse selfish admissions, right?
My story
I grew up in an abusive home. I had a step-father from the time I was 2 until 12 years of age, who loved to abuse me in any way he could. I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused during this time. I was helpless and oh so very angry.
He taught me how to physically fight so that at the age of 6, I could provide some sort of challenge for him when he beat me. It gave me some satisfaction to be able to hurt him a little when I fought back. Despite the little bit of pain I was able to inflict on him, I was vulnerable, voiceless, and overall helpless.
We left when I was 12, when my mum discovered what was happening. I was safe, and was given help through therapy, but I didn’t really know how to express myself. I knew it wasn’t socially acceptable to be physically or verbally aggressive when expressing myself, but I didn’t know how to actually talk to someone about how I was feeling.
Dance
However, I did know how to express myself in other ways. I had been dancing for a few years by then, and it was a wonderful form of expression. I could lose myself in a dance. Many times I would cry myself through a routine, or let all my anger out, whatever I needed.
When I was just 14 I was given the opportunity to be an assistant choreographer with a children’s theatre group. This opened the door for me to help other people, particularly young girls, to express themselves through dance.
I continued this in my teens, and into adulthood as well, choreographing annually for another theatre group for years. I loved it! What a fabulous creative outlet it was for me! Each choreographed number had some sort of emotional healing aspect for me. Oh, and the kids liked it too!
Massage Therapy
Being sexually abused is obviously a difficult thing to face. Having successful intimate relationships as an adult was going to require more effort on my part because of this experience. I understood this right from the first moment it happened. It would change me forever.
Looking back on my career now, I completely understand what I did: I found a career that allowed me to use touch in a positive, healing way – to actually help others through touch. I became a Registered Massage Therapist because as a dancer, I wanted to better understand the human body and help athletes recover from injury.
I had a successful practice helping others for over 16 years. People would come into my clinic with terrible pain, limiting their life, and would leave with relief and hope. And me? Well needless to say, I was able to use touch for something positive, and that changed everything for me. So selfish, I know!
Reiki
Very early in my Massage Therapy career, I became interested in an energy healing method called Reiki. I thought it would complement my practice nicely and help my clients on a deeper level. I incorporated Reiki into my practice nicely, helping many people in ways beyond the physical. As a Reiki Master, I also trained dozens of others in the healing power of Reiki.
Yet again, I ended up being super selfish without even realising it! Reiki also changed my life! Literally, once I began my Reiki training, my world shifted. That was the moment that I started my journey from victim of child abuse, to survivor. Every single thing I have done in my life to heal from my childhood, and change my patterns of thinking to become the positive, strong woman I am today stemmed from the decision to add Reiki to my practice.
Since then, I have literally changed my life by finding the opportunity in everything, being positive, and taking ownership of my life including my actions and reactions. I have even come to be at peace with the child abuse, understanding the strength it has given me. I have learned to love, accept and find pride in myself, not despite the abuse but because of it. How selfish am I???? Notice a trend here? Yep, each of these things have helped me just as much, if not more, than others.
Teaching
Oh, it doesn’t end here! After 16 years of practice, I decided I wanted to challenge myself to be a Secondary School Teacher. I went to University in my mid-late 30s to train, earning my Honours degree in Geography and Environment Studies, moving on to earning my Bachelor of Education in Geography and Biology.
Jobs were scarce in Canada when I graduated, so I moved to the UK at the age of 39 to begin my teaching career. As you might suspect, given the theme of this blog, I have positively impacted young lives in this stage of my journey, but I too have been positively impacted, perhaps in some unexpected ways. It is a wonderful feeling to see the spark in a young person’s eyes when they finally grasp a concept they’ve been struggling with. And it is delightful when a young adult approaches you at the end of their academic career with you and says you were the best teacher they had and you made them feel smart when they had really thought they were stupid. But, that’s not the positive impact I’m talking about.
By teaching in an underprivileged area, I was forced to see just what kinds of challenges many children are working through. Some of these children were going through similar experiences to mine, while others were being raised by carers because their parents were unfit to raise them. Some came to school without proper outer clothing to stay warm, or without food.
Teaching has allowed me to see first-hand that we are all working through our own hurdles, big or small, and not all will have the support they will certainly need as they enter adulthood, nor a proper role model. They are going to be faced with very difficult decisions that will affect their future.
Am I Really Selfish?
How in the world does this help me? How is this selfish? Clearly, you don’t know me well enough yet! I have turned this realisation into my next step in healing. I have now become a Motivational Speaker, using my story of abuse and recovery to help others shift from being a victim to being a survivor, whatever it is they are dealing with.
And by talking about my story, I remind myself of just how proud I am to be the person I am – to have gone through such challenges to create a wonderful and healing life. Yep, yet again, helping others helps me!
Sometimes, being selfish is for the greater good. Everything I do, or have done, has benefited me greatly, which has in turn helped me to further help others. The more I grow as a person, the more help I can offer, and how wonderful is it that I am growing through the help I offer! I am blessed!
Books to Help
The book that helped me the most during this stage of my recovery was:
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