As I mentor, I hear time and time again how the fear of failure is holding people back, preventing success. It is the main reason for being hesitant about trying new things, giving it 100% on tasks, or taking a risk or calculated chances in business. But why?
Our reputation is built on whether or not we hold ourselves accountable, whether we are responsible, decent human beings that can be trusted and relied upon. If we fail at something and everyone knows it, are they really likely to think that less of us? Is our reputation really in jeopardy?
In Reality…
In fact, most of the things we hold ourselves back on for fear of failure are things no one else will ever know about. And even if they did, so what? Trying something new, putting ourselves out there and taking chances does not in any way make us unreliable, less trustworthy, irresponsible human beings, does it? Heck no! It makes us brave and bold calculated risk takers that people respect.
What if you hold yourself back, not because of a fear of failure, but because of a fear of success?
What is Success?
That may sound ridiculous to some, but stay with me. What does success look like to you? Seriously. What does it really look like? Do you know? Is success simply lots and lots of money, or is it more than that? How much more?
Are you afraid of the unknown? Are you afraid that you will succeed at whatever it is you are aiming for, and then not know where to go from there? Will your life change with success? Are you ready for that? Is your family?
Craving Failure
Some people with traumatic backgrounds have low self-esteem, which manifests in them staying ‘safe’. I myself am a survivor of child abuse where I was told for 10 years of my life that I was ugly, useless, worthless, stupid, and nobody would ever love me. Guess what? I believed it. Every time something did not go the way I had planned; it must have been because I was stupid. I wasn’t worthy of success, so no wonder I failed. Often I would choose to not extend myself so I didn’t have to fail. At least then I wouldn’t hear that awful mantra in my head again.
But then I realised that failure wasn’t what I feared. Instead, it was what I craved. Crazy, huh? Failure was the familiar, even if I didn’t really fail that often. My abuser had put it in my head for 10 years that I was indeed a failure. That is where I felt safe. As nuts as this sounds, it was my comfort zone.
Allowing Yourself to Succeed
It was one thing to get out of this mind set, stopping the victim mentality and becoming the survivor I was, believing that he was wrong and I was valuable. It was another thing to let myself succeed. That’s right, I said it, ‘Let myself succeed.’ I couldn’t succeed if I didn’t try. And I wouldn’t try if I didn’t believe in myself.
Guess what? I have more respect now for all my failed attempts at anything than I ever did before playing it safe. People know my intentions are true, that I am a decent and caring person that wants to help others. And you know what else? Whenever I have ‘failed’, I’ve been okay. The sky didn’t fall down on me and nothing bad has happened to me because I went out on a limb. What’s more? I don’t see my ‘failures’ as such; I see them as opportunities. Opportunities to learn from my mistakes and come back stronger.
Success looks different for different people, but to me I am successful because I am no longer comfortable with failing, or not even trying in the first place. I will handle the changes that come with success, and so will my family, because we are decent human beings with good intentions.
Books to help
The book that helped my in my journey with success vs. failure is:
Are you in your comfort zone and it’s holding you back? Sick of it? Visit my website www.lifelikeyoumeanit.com to see how I can help.
Better yet, book a complimentary call so we can chat!
