The Statistics
Children who are abused grow up to be adults who have been abused, and the numbers are disturbing: In the UK alone over 57,000 children have been identified as needing protection from abuse, and for each of these children, another 8 are suffering from abuse as we speak (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to children, 2016).
Me Included
I am included in these numbers, being abused as a child for 10 years. From the age of 2 until 12, I was physically, psychologically, and eventually sexually abused by my now former step-father. The effects of that abuse did not vanish when we left him.
Becoming an Adult – The Magical Cure
There is so much information available for the crisis itself, and of course there are numerous types of therapies available at all ages. That is wonderful!
However, as an adult survivor of child abuse myself, I can tell you that none of my friends or family had any idea that this was my truth. Nobody ever talked about it with me, and I never opened up to talk to them, until now.
Now that I have, I realise more than ever that so many go about their lives with no support from the people closest to them, because they don’t know. Call it a stigma, a general accepted silence, or shame, the result is the same.
The Struggle
These brave individuals get jobs, have a family, and generally go on to have a life like everyone else, except they are not like everyone else. They are struggling every single day with being a victim of abuse, trying to move past it. They bring this struggle with them in all their ventures, including in their career. It is the same for those who have suffered trauma, loss and have low self-esteem. Every aspect of their lives is affected by these experiences.
While they may blend in with everyone around them, they are struggling on the inside in ways that some others may relate: the low self-esteem, the self-doubt, the expectation of failure, the silent suffering.
Break the silence
We need to break the silence of not just child abuse, but the lifetime effects of it. This includes, but is certainly not limited to, depression, low self-esteem, and even suicidal thoughts. To do so will replace the shame with pride; a pride in oneself for surviving such a trauma, and surviving well. We’ve broken the silence about depression, for example, with numerous ad campaigns. This has led to it being acceptable to talk openly about depression, to admit you suffer from depression, and to a greater awareness of the causes and treatments for depression.
Why can’t we do the same for child abuse? Children are never to blame for being abused. That does not fall on them. So why do so many adults feel ashamed about having been abused? I believe if we treated this in the same way as depression, we could get the same results – at the very least, a greater awareness of the number of adults living with this reality, and the provision of support in finding the right help for each person.
I fully recognise that the topic of child abuse is a cringe worthy one. Nobody wants to talk about that, and nobody wants to hear someone’s real life story. Breaking the silence is more about normalising the long term effects of child abuse in adulthood.
Hope
Victims of child abuse can learn how to shift into becoming survivors of not just child abuse, but of any and all traumas. They can choose to live a life of purpose, and discover their value. Doing this can allow them to see what they truly deserve.
I know this is possible, because I am one of them! I struggled for a full decade after leaving my abusive home. Even after I began my real journey of recovery in my twenties, I struggled for another decade shifting my thought patterns and learning to believe in myself. I learned that I am more than a victim of abuse. I shifted from a victim to a survivor and filled myself with pride at how strong a person I am. Finally, I began to see, and believe, in myself. I have value, and I deserve all the goodness the world has to offer.
Books to help
Along my journey, the book that helped me the most for this issue was:
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Your are to be commended for your bravery and your strong voice now. Excellent article.
Thank you so much! I greatly appreciate your support.