The Concept
In April 2016, I was brainstorming blogging ideas with my fiancé. I wanted to blog about something that would excite me, keep me interested, and help others. This needed to be something for which I had vast experience, where I could use my expertise in life to make a difference. We grappled with the idea of a travel blog, with the notion of writing about how I have been able to travel on a modest income and how that allows me to have my version of a dream life.
That lead to a discussion about my positive attitude, which ultimately lead to a further discussion about how I came to have such a positive attitude – how much work it really was, how it was a decision I made and continue to make each and every day, and how this has changed my life.
Naturally, the next thing to discuss was why I had to put this effort into changing my life – I am a survivor of child abuse. Suddenly, everything clicked. How could I have not seen this before? I had vast experience in something, and every part of my journey in life since the abuse has given me the expertise I need to make a difference. The warmth that grew in my heart was overwhelming. I just knew this was it, that my story could positively impact others and inspire them to heal and make their own difference. Click here to read more of my story.
Coming Out
This realisation meant one major thing – I had to come out. People needed to hear my story to understand just how vast my journey has been, and so they could connect with me on a deeper level. More importantly, I needed to share my story – put it all out there, taking a huge gamble. It was not easy to go back into that place where all the memories of the abuse lay, and even harder to put it into words and let it loose on the internet for all to see.
That moment I hit the ‘post’ button was one of the most exhilarating and anxiety filled moments of my life. How would people respond? Would it help anyone or would it all be for naught? There’s always a chance some could have a negative reaction and/or take it in a way that was not intended, but it was a chance I just had to take. Deep down inside me, I just knew this is what I needed and wanted to do. Where it would take me, I could never have known.
The Reaction
What was the reaction? Incredibly positive, supportive, and loving! Between the website and Facebook, I had countless responses from friends, family, and acquaintances. They all had some key things in common – they all talked about how brave I was for coming out, and how they are proud of me. Another trend came out from their responses. Nearly all of them spoke of how they had no idea that I had been through physical, mental and sexual abuse for 10 years as a child.
They spoke of knowing me for various lengths of time (some for most of my life, including during the time of abuse), and not having a clue that I was going through, or had gone through, something so terrible. They didn’t know I was a survivor. They didn’t know that I had to work so very hard to turn myself around, choosing to become the person I am today, choosing to be a survivor rather than a victim.
This is one of the points I’d like to make here – many people who have been abused hide it very well. Perhaps because they don’t feel the need to share with others because they have healed and moved on, or perhaps because they do not want the pity and/or shame. I hid my experience as a teenager and into my twenties because I did not want people to pity me. I didn’t want that ‘look’ people would give when they found out (or at least how I interpreted this look). I also hid my experience because I was afraid people would be afraid of me – that they would think I was unstable in some way, or would myself be abusive.
Not Alone
The reasons others do not share may not match mine, but it does make you question just how many people have similar stories, doesn’t it? In fact, many of my friends, family and acquaintances shared their own stories of abuse to me privately or publicly. And just as they had expressed shock in my story, I too expressed shock that I didn’t know they had their own abuse story.
The peace I feel that I have inspired others to share their story, helping them to heal and break the stigma of being abused, is something I cannot put into words, but it also brings about feelings of great sadness. How can there be so many people in one person’s life who have been through some sort of child abuse?
The facts are disturbing: In the UK alone over 57,000 children have been identified as needing protection from abuse, and for each of these children, another 8 are suffering from abuse as we speak (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to children, 2016). That is one country. When looking for statistics for Canada, I found that more than a third of children suffer some type of child abuse (National Post, 2016). That is staggering.
Victim to Survivor
For me, because the numbers are daunting, disturbing and utterly disgusting, I am dedicating myself to helping as many people as possible using my story of precise decision making to change my life from victim of abuse to survivor. I have now become a Motivational Speaker, helping inspire and support people in changing their lives.
While my experience is specifically surrounding child abuse, many of the same results can be seen when people suffer trauma, loss and the like. I hold regular workshops entitled ‘Change your thoughts, change your life!’, both live and virtually. For more information on my workshops, click here.
Children who are abused grow up to be adults who have been abused. Personally speaking, they get jobs and go on to have a life like everyone else, except they are not like everyone else. They are struggling every single day with being a victim of abuse, trying to move past it, without yet recognising the difference between being a victim and being a survivor. This struggle is brought with them in all their ventures, including in their career.
It is the same for those who have suffered trauma, loss and have low self-esteem. It does not take much effort to realise that every aspect of their lives are affected by these experiences, and many would benefit from having help in working on becoming the person they want to be, to have the life they deserve.
Books to Help
The book that has helped me stay focused on the positive, and bring perspective as I begin this new journey is:
If you are an employer who recognises that your employees could benefit from my support through a speaking engagement, please get more information here.
Interested in learning how I can help you or someone you love? Visit my website to see how I can help. Better yet, book a complimentary call to chat!
