by Lisa Cybaniak
Domestic abuse is such a difficult topic, but one worth talking openly about. I think most of us aren’t naïve enough to think that someone in an abusive relationship can always leave easily. There are so many factors to consider, from safety and having a support network in place to financial viability and the level of assistance that is available.
Today we’re talking about what it took for our guest to leave her domestically abusive relationship, even while she was supporting other victims and vulnerable people to do the same.
Jodie Marshall is the founder and managing director of A Mind Apart Theatre Company Limited, which helps young people, supporting them around safe relationships through coaching and practical techniques.
Meet Jodie Marshall
Jodie works with young girls and women who have been abused or are in violent and abusive relationships. She also delivers training to professionals both in the UK and Brazil, working with sexually exploited girls in the UK and young people involved in gangs in both countries.
Jodie’s work is inspired from her own experiences with domestic abuse and the lack of support and understanding she faced in her quest to find safety.
And the best part is, Jodie shares her 5 tips to regaining control in your life, whether you’re coming from an abusive situation or are simply struggling to get your life on track.
So, let’s dive right in!
Challenge learned behaviour
If you’ve listened or read any of my previous work, you know this tip of Jodie’s is something I believe in strongly. Our behaviour is driven by our beliefs, which are formed by the age of seven. From that point, all your experiences are looked at as evidence that your belief is correct. This shapes your response to what is happening in your life.
So, if you can challenge your beliefs to discover the truth, then you will change your behaviour. For example, if you believe that you’re not good enough to stand on your own two feet, free from this relationship, looking at your past experiences that reinforced this belief through fresh eyes may allow you to realise your strengths. Perhaps you have several memories of getting through difficult times, all on your own, that you can use to challenge this belief that you’re not good enough. I mean heck, you were good enough then, right?
Changing a belief like that will have a massive impact on your confidence, and your willingness to entertain the thought of freeing yourself from domestic abuse – a situation that you don’t deserve to be in.
Write down your goals
Whatever your goals are, write them down. This helps you get your mind clear on what it is you want and can help you organise yourself to set tasks that will help you reach those goals.
I recommend you start with the ultimate goal, and then break it down further by determining all the smaller goals you’d need to achieve in order to reach that larger goal. This makes it seem more reasonable and gives you confidence that you can get this done.
For example, if the goal is to leave, then there are many steps you’ll likely need to take before actually leaving. You may need to build a support network of friends, save some money or research the domestic abuse support services that are in place in your area. Those smaller goals may seem a lot easier to accomplish and won’t push you out of your comfort zone, but they will move you closer to being able to leave.
Be creative
Jodie and I both found performance to be a huge saving grace in our healing and recovery processes. I’ve spoken to so many other survivors of abuse of all types who also find being creative in some way is a great way of self-expression, while acting as a form of therapy.
Jodie certainly finds the young people she works with really resonate with performing as a way of dealing with their circumstances.
If you’re not the creative type, don’t worry – there are lots of other things you can try!
Choose your circle
It’s a well-known concept that if you want more wealth in your life, you should surround yourself with wealthy people who treat themselves and others the way you’d like to when you’re wealthy.
The same is true here. Whatever it is you’re dealing with, if change is what you’re looking for, then start with the circle you’re choosing to spend your time with. Look for those who resonate with the change you’re aspiring to make within. They will help inspire and support you in your journey.
Do what’s right for you
One of the things Jodie swears by, that allowed her to build her life after domestic abuse, is doing what feels right for her. If something makes you happy, allow it; certain people put a smile on your face, don’t fight it; things that bring you joy should be cherished; and activities that light you up should be given the attention they deserve.
Rather than judging yourself, wondering what others will think, or looking for the other shoe to drop, just enjoy it. Allow yourself to experience happiness, and when you fully understand what those experiences are, make time in your life for more of them.
More from this episode
We can spend so much time talking ourselves out of things, blocking our own happiness. Why? By stopping the self-judgment and just letting yourself be happy, your life can literally change. One thing’s for sure – you’ll regain control over that aspect of your life, and that’s what we’re aspiring to do, isn’t it?
Jodie and I talk about so much more in this episode. We dive deep into why telling someone they should get out of a bad relationship simply doesn’t work; why even when you want to get out, you might not be able to easily do it; what’s needed to improve the support systems that are available to victims of domestic violence and abuse; forgiveness, and more.
Press play on the episode above, so you don’t miss a thing!
Follow Jodie on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. You can also follow A Mind Apart on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter, or check out the website.
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Voice over credit: Shari Vandermolen. Shari is offering a free download of one of her songs to the fans of the Life Like You Mean It podcast! Just visit www.GiftFromShari.com and tell her where to send it. Shari’s debut album is available for streaming on all the major platforms including Spotify and iTunes.
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