If I become half of what my mum embodies, then the world will be a better place. Let me explain.
We live in a world where we are lost in ourselves, living in our own bubble. We carry on with our day, not really noticing anyone else. And we have conversations with others, seem engrossed in what they have to say, and even think we feel empathy during these times. But then we go about our day, quickly forgetting about that moving story.
Some people even operate on the ‘what’s in it for me?’ initiative, where they only go out of their way if they will get something in return. Often, the common thought is more about what they have to do in order to get what they want, not what can they do to help someone.
Introducing my Mum
My mum represents a small portion of the world who do not fit into this category. My whole life (42 years and counting), this woman has done the unthinkable. She gives with absolutely no thought of any gain.
Growing up
When I was growing up, I would regularly open my lunch bag to find either a simple note saying ‘I love you!’, or an eraser (not as weird as you might first think – I collected fancy erasers as a kid). My mum didn’t give me these things for special occasions. In fact, she specifically gave them for no reason. She still loves to give surprise gifts and notes.
Special thank you’s
My mum writes thank you cards – hell she even makes her own cards! In a world where it is so easy to just send a thank you text, she still makes or writes a thank you card. She’ll even pop it in the mail if she thinks that will bring you any joy. Why? No reason. She just wants you to know she appreciated something you did.
Volunteering
My mum volunteers for the United Way. She used to sit on the board taking notes for them. Even after leaving that post a few years ago, she still turns up at all their events in her area, grilling up BBQ’d hot dogs and burgers in the stifling summer heat, just because. She gets nothing from it but the satisfaction of giving.
Other ways to give her time
There are many other way my mum helps others. After her mum (my grandma) passed away, she went regularly to her mum’s best friend’s place to spend time with her because her family lived far away and couldn’t get there regularly. Honestly, I was very close to my grandma, but I don’t actually remember even meeting her best friend. That didn’t stop my mum. She knew this woman was someone her mummy loved, and this woman’s family was not able to be around, so my mum took it upon herself to drop by regularly to visit, even bring her food.
What did she get in return? A smile. She didn’t do it for anything else other than the respect it gave that lovely woman, to have someone care enough to spend time with her in her later years.
Donations
Even when she is not in the company of other, she still gives back! My mum crochet’s. She loves to sit in front of the television and crochet while watching some mindless program. She doesn’t really need 100 scarves, so she decided a few years ago to keep crocheting, but with some intention. She makes newborn hats, scarves, mitts, and blankets that she donates to hospitals and women’s shelters.
Yep, you guessed it, she does it anonymously. She doesn’t do it for the glory, or even a simple thank you. My mum does it because she wants to, because she knows it will put a smile on someone’s face, and that’s what drives her. That’s it.
True caring
This woman makes a note of important dates that come up in conversations. If someone tells her they are having surgery next week, she will call them the day before to wish them luck, and the day after to see if they are okay. That’s after she’s anonymously dropped off a casserole.
Pay it forward
The ‘pay it forward’ movement is an incredible one. This is basically what my mum is all about. It’s about helping others without any intention of getting any accolades for your efforts. Many times, the help that is given is anonymous.
My mum loves to pay for someone’s order behind her in a drive thru at Canada’s best known coffee shop. She doesn’t ask first how much the order comes to, nor does she get out of the car to take a bow.
Nope, just like everything else, she does it just to put a smile on someone’s face. She does it to help someone else have an easier day. She does it FOR someone else, not herself.
Not my mother’s daughter
All of this makes me realize just how much our society is lacking in these kinds of gestures. Many people, not all, only do something for recognition. They want to know what they get from it before they make the commitment to do it. Or, they just don’t think of it at all.
I fear I fall into this latter category. I have meaningful conversations that when I see that person again, I will bring it back up, ask how it went, and give my support. I make sure they know they can count on me to be there for them, but here’s what I don’t do. I don’t call them or even text them before to wish them luck. I don’t call or text them after to see how it went. I don’t send them a card to congratulate them, thank them, wish them well, or wish them luck. I don’t crochet them a blanket, or scarves, OR EVEN A HAT!
Nope. I do none of it. I have never even paid for someone’s order behind me. It’s like I’m not even my mother’s daughter.
In my own bubble
I’ve come to learn just how self-absorbed I am, like the majority of the population. I live in my own bubble, concerned mainly with those in my immediate circle – me. Appalling, I know. But I bet the majority of you reading this are grimacing right now because you know which category you fall into, and you are not proud either.
Giving for the sake of GIVING
Recently, I read a book I was to give a review on, or least I tried. It was about giving back. The problem was, the portion of the book I managed to muster through was about, in my opinion, giving back for a reason. In this case, it was to improve your chances with God.
I personally don’t want to give back for any reason, other than to be a decent human being. I want to be my mum. I want to do all these things in this blog for no other reason than to put a smile on someone’s face. Not to get any recognition. Not to get any glory. Certainly, not to get a place in heaven.
I want to make someone else’s day brighter, just because they are a fellow human being, and I have the power to do that with very little effort on my part.
It takes some effort
But it does take some effort, doesn’t it? It takes people to look beyond their bubble. It takes caring, and true empathy. It takes love.
In today’s atmosphere of war and subsequent refugees, giving for the sake of making someone else’s life better, even for a split moment, is so real it is palpable. I urge you to look at your neighbour with fresh eyes. What has their life been like? What about their day? Is there something you could do to make it better? What if you needed help? What would that help look like? Can you offer that to someone else? Of course you can, and it would be appreciated more than words can say!
What if you had children and lived in an area ripped apart by war? Would a stranger offering a hand make a difference in your life? You bet it would! Can you offer that hand – to your neighbour, to your best friend, to a stranger?
2017’s goal
My goal for 2017 isn’t about me. It’s not about losing weight and becoming fit for my upcoming summer wedding. It’s not about how I can improve my life or my business. So, my goal for 2017 is to be like my mum – to give selflessly. To give without any expectation, or desire, for a return. To give just for the shear satisfaction of knowing it made life a little easier for someone, it put a smile on their face, or even motivated them to do the same for someone else.
Anyone else up to join me?
Lisa Cybaniak is a survivor of 10 years of physical, psychological and sexual child abuse. She is a motivational speaker and blogger, helping shed the stigma of being abused. She is the founder of Life, like you mean it!, dedicated to helping survivors of abuse survive well, having the life they deserve.
Book a complimentary call with Lisa to see how she can help you process your unique journey, and transform your life to one of meaning, love and ultimate happiness. You deserve it.
