by Lisa Cybaniak
You can also listen on…
*Trigger Warning*
Fear is something we all experience in our lives. It’s a normal physiological response that we need to keep us safe. The issue for us is that we’re no longer running from predators! Our ancestors experienced fear and literally used that fear to act – to run from what wanted to kill and eat them!
Today we’re talking about learning to turn our fear into power and strength in this modern day, so we can move forward and claim our power.
Debby Bibaud, is a single parent who has overcome sexual assault and has made a momentous change in how the Canadian RCMP must deal with sexual assaults in the future, all across Canada.
Meet Debby Bibaud
Debby knows all too well what it’s like to experience fear. But through her experiences she’s also learned the control she has over her own thoughts and mindset, coining her motto: Be afraid and do it anyway!
You see, Debby made a crucial shift in her perspective after her sexual assault. Instead of using the narrative of this happening to her, she made a conscious choice to start describing it as happening for her.
The difference is that this shift allows Debby to be aware of all the positive she has in her life, because of the direction her life has taken. And that change in direction for Debby happened because of that experience.
Positive change
She’s met people, including me, along her journey – people she likely never would have crossed paths with if that experience hadn’t happened.
And she’s had a passion lit beneath her to help other women, not just in their recovery, but in the way the police treat them during their investigation, giving them the dignity they deserve.
It doesn’t mean she wishes it would happen again or would wish it upon anyone else. Instead, it means she can move forward with her emotional and mental health intact.
Inspiration
She’s written a chapter in a book, Sacred Hearts Rising Sparks of Light, about how she overcame her struggles and chose forgiveness – forgiveness of herself, of her attacker, and of the RCMP officer that prompted the changes that Debby forged within the system.
She’s an incredibly courageous and inspirational person that shares so much with us today, that I know you don’t want to miss this.
So, let’s dive right in!
Shift the narrative
When we are afraid of something, usually the unknown, we try to do everything in our power to be prepared. But projecting ourselves into future scenarios in “what if” land just increase our fear.
Debby’s first tip is to be mindful of the language we use when speaking about something we’re afraid of. It’s okay to express that you are afraid, but then make a conscious effort to shift the conversation towards what you can do in response. What do you have control over?
Following Debby’s example, you have control over whether you choose to look at “this”, whatever that may be, as happening to you, or as happening for you.
Don’t be afraid to move forward
As Debby describes, our early ancestors didn’t sit in their fear. When their fear response was triggered, they took action and ran.
In our modern world, most times our fear is triggered by something that doesn’t require us to stay and fight, or to flee to save ourselves. So, we sit in our fear.
But that too is a choice that we have full control over making. That means we can just as easily make the choice to allow whatever we are afraid of to motivate us towards making changes that can positively impact our lives.
Use what you are afraid of as a motivator and allow it to fuel you forward. Just be mindful of what you have control over when you are making your plans to change your world. The one you can control is yourself.
Stop time travelling
When fear does take over, take time to gain an understanding of what you’re doing and pull yourself back to the present.
You can do this by asking yourself what is happening right now, in this moment, for example.
Perhaps the best-known way of bringing yourself back into the present, as well as calming you in times of high anxiety, is to elicit your five senses.
What are five things you can see? Listen for four things you can hear. What are three things you can touch? Can you identify two things you can smell? Is there one thing you can taste in your mouth right now?
What makes you smile?
Debby loves to catch herself thinking negatively and turn the tables on herself by thinking of three things that make her smile.
Of course, those things may change or adapt from day to day and will be relative to you and your life.
For example, it’s not surprising that one of Debby’s things to make her smile is her son. You’d expect that, right? But another one, for her, is farts! Yep, thinking about farts makes Debby all out laugh, so that’s one of the first things that pops into her mind when she’s shifting her mindset!
More from this episode
Debby shares so much more with us in this interview, including how, after the assault, she thought she was caught up in life – fully immersed, busy and enjoying her life. That is, until she had a break “through”, as Debby refers to it, and bipolar disorder landed her in the hospital. It turns out, Debby was actually distracting herself from her life, her needs, and herself.
We go on to discuss the risk that people who have been distracting themselves, perhaps for years, now face now that they are isolated during the coronavirus pandemic.
How difficult will it be for them to continue with the veil of distraction? Will they be able to allow themselves to heal and grow during this time?
Debby also shares her poem with us on forgiveness, which fuels a whole conversation about the three types of forgiveness, how she practises forgiveness herself, and the impact it’s had on her life.
Press play on the episode above to catch all the details of this episode!
Follow Debby
You can follow Debby on Facebook and read the Global News article about Debby’s success in establishing a standard police protocol for sexual assault investigations. You can also watch her son’s video expressing his feelings and tips for other kids during the coronavirus outbreak and show it to your children. And watch this page for the link for the Sacred Hearts Rising Sparks of Light book launch!
Want to help this podcast? Follow us, subscribe, and leave a comment on this, or any other episode!
Are you ready to turn your Anxiety to Action? Get my free cheat sheet for entrepreneurs here!
Join my free Moving Forward after Abuse Webinar!
Start Shifting your Mindset today… complete with workbook!
Voice over credit: Shari Vandermolen. Shari is offering a free download of one of her songs to the fans of the Life Like You Mean It podcast! Just visit www.GiftFromShari.com and tell her where to send it. Shari’s debut album is available for streaming on all the major platforms including Spotify and iTunes.
Top Picks
Freebies for You!
